Lonliness

The sound of the horrible thoughts which my mind was shouting on me, squished me into a small little coward ball. Folding my both hands around my knees ad hiding my face inside it. I felt my body shivering. My heart was hammering so loud that it was trying to force itself out of my chest and get apart form my body. I felt the sweating drops falling form my forehead to my hands even if it was snowing outside in Michigan. My hair were all tangled into each other and I didn't care about anything---what difference does it make if I look presentable or not, I just wished to get free from the pathetic thoughts I was getting. Too afraid to even look up and come out of my room, I was burying myself into a corner of my small room. Looked like all the water in my body had decided to come out through my eyes tonight. It was just uncontrollable, as more as I was trying to get through it, the more it was getting over me!

                                Realizing that it had been a while since I was in my panic attacks, I searched for my cell phone in the cold, dark, messy room of mine. It was on my bed. I flipped it open and looked for the time. It was 2 in the morning, but it didn't surprise me at all. I was expecting it to be more later than that. Realizing that it and thinking that I have to go to school tomorrow, I decided to try to sleep. Neglecting the circumstances of the torn feeling that I was going through. The struggle of my own mind with myself convincing me that it was my fault and I should wear the spectacles of their eyes to see through their vision, I felt helpless.
           Probably, a sleep was a better idea than to cry and keep on mourning about my pathetic life. I tried to get up and reach for my bed which was full of my clothes scattered all over it. I didn't care about the tidiness or any organization. Just ignored and went to sleep, praying to the God and waiting the new sun will bring new hopes with it and I will be able to survive from this LONLINESS!